Q: How is a hospital gown like insurance?
A: You're never covered as much as you think you are.

Q: What does it mean when the doctor says you have six months to live?
A: You have five months to pay.

Q: When does a doctor suggest elective surgery?
A: When he's ready for a new sports car.

Q: How can you tell if you have a cheap doctor?
A: He takes Friday off to play miniature golf.

Q: How can you tell when a surgeon is not thinking about the operation?
A: Before he makes an incision, he yells, "Fore!"

Q: What advice don't you want to hear from a doctor before an operation?
A: Whatever you do, don't go into the light.

Q: Why did the duck go to the doctor's office?
A: He was looking for a quack.